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Shadows

A recent conversation:

“…I live in the shadows. Or so it feels. A few years back I was blooming in the sun. So it felt. Now I’m living my life in the shadows. Of my computer. Emails. SMS. MSN. Facebook. Twitter. Blogs. Websites. I am now recognized through the style of my writing and not by my voice. Sadness is felt  by the stucture of my phrases and not seen in my tears. Happiness is seen in my exclamation marks and not heard in my laugh. The truth is guessed by my vocabulary and not heard in the seriousness of my voice.  I have become deletable. I am speaking less and writing more. I am hearing less and wondering more. My voice is growing softer and the shadows wider…”

Sketch in moleskine with rotring pen and watercolour.

…deep talk...

tea

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30 responses

  1. hfm

    Can I seat and continue the conversation? Wonderfull.

    January 9, 2009 at 9:01 pm

  2. I know your voice and have heard your voice; but with others it is missing. This made me sad and I feel like am in shadow also. Great writing, great watercolor. I hope in this lifetime we will once again sit for a chocolate chaud to speak softly and laugh deeply!

    January 9, 2009 at 10:55 pm

  3. dinahmow

    “….I have become deletable…”

    That strikes me as so sad. Perhaps we all need to reflect on the impersonal nature of the internet. I’m glad you posted this.

    January 10, 2009 at 1:12 am

  4. EdieB

    Here is the other side of the coin. If you didn’t blog I would have lost out on the enjoyment of your art, writing and the recipes which I love and enjoy immensely.

    January 10, 2009 at 1:41 am

  5. Whats sad about this post is it is too true! But think of all the friends you have met with the computer.

    January 10, 2009 at 4:07 am

  6. The words are true. We widen our circles with invisible friends. Good friends, but visible only through words in a box most of the time.

    The sketch goes well with the quote.

    January 10, 2009 at 4:23 am

  7. Deep talk — deep thought. Lovely sketch.
    (smile!)

    January 10, 2009 at 4:42 am

  8. annie

    I do agree with you, Ronell. On one hand we live on a page and are deletable, but on the other hand, we can reach up and hold a star.
    We can feel touched and connected to someone who begins to become a friend, like you, even though you are on a page, one who is willing too open up and share thoughts and feelings, photographs and slide shows, and, most of all, beautiful sketches and paintings that lift us up, deepen our understanding and electrify our energy.
    And then, renewed, we can jump right into our living, even more fully than before, because of that special moment with you. And, oh yes, your sketch fits the words in lovely way.

    annie

    January 10, 2009 at 8:44 am

  9. Wow, this entry really impressed me. And no, I’m not talking about the painting this time (you already know I like your loose watercolor paintings), no I really like what you have written. This is so true for all of the people who invest much time and effort into their blogs and internet presence(s).

    January 10, 2009 at 1:14 pm

  10. Louise

    I just discovered your blog a few minutes ago and the very first post just hit me straight in the heart. Just yesterday, I had to write a very short letter and discovered my handwriting was much more different that before and I reflected this was due to not using the pen and paper anymore and it made me kind of sad. This kind of sad feeling I just re-discovered in your post. I think that I will think of this a little more today… In the meantime, I am going to explore your blog fully right after this message. Thanks for having written something that I also felt. Louise, near Montreal Quebec.

    January 10, 2009 at 1:36 pm

  11. lin

    Ah, Cara .. I too am in the shadows with you — friendwise — most of my friends are on line — and I have to say, they enrich my life so much … but they are so hard to have coffee with, or shop with, — or hug! So I understand.

    I see a lot of folks at work — often too many — so I’ve got acquaintances there, and peers, and coworkers and bosses, but a friend to run with, no, sadly, not exactly with my insane work and out of town schedule and my family commitments.

    So we live in the shadows together .. and I’m okay with that for now — and wish that it were a bit easier for you and for the others who find themselves here …

    I have to agree with online friends have enriched my life, as has the incredible art, encouragement and kindnesses I have found there/here ….

    You art, as always, blows off my socks … beautiful….

    And hon, come have coffee with me … we’ll find our voices indeed …

    love you

    January 10, 2009 at 5:42 pm

  12. For once you’ve left me speechless, Ronell. Now I’m wondering if I speak with exclamation marks IRL. I hadn’t thought of this as a life in the shadows, more concerned about it being a life in radiation i.e. how bad is it for me to be in bed with my laptop on my lap?!

    I just read your post to HWEM and saw a flicker of recognition on his face, or was that just the flicker of his screen?

    Beautifully written as usual. Of course I’m not entirely convinced this is how it is in your world because for some reason, I always ‘see’ you in the sun.

    January 10, 2009 at 7:54 pm

  13. Colette

    Ek is so dankbaar dat ek jou “hoorbare” stem ken…ek kan selfs “tussen lyne” verstaan hoe jy voel!..dit sal ‘n hartseer dag wees as jou “blog” stem stil raak..so asseblief moet nooit ophou nie!! xx

    January 10, 2009 at 8:33 pm

  14. It is a little weird, isn’t it, the limitations of “virtual” friendships…not entirely real or completely fulfilling.

    This little painting is so bright and splashy. You really know how to put the water in watercolor, Ronell! Wish I could join you for a cup of something!

    January 10, 2009 at 11:14 pm

  15. Oh, and I like your new header!

    January 10, 2009 at 11:14 pm

  16. I hear your heart in this sad post. I do feel like that sometimes too but often we have no voice at home either. I find that it is so refreshing to be able to share some of my thoughts and have someone interested enough to read them. To paint a little nothing painting and have someone comment on it. I know my kids don’t care what I say or looking at my daily sketchbook! I love both sets of friends, my internet friends and my closer friends. I also like what Casey said about it being our choice to step out into the sunshine! It is finding the balance of both that is important. I love what you have to say and the way you share it.

    January 11, 2009 at 4:43 am

  17. Hi Ronell,

    Add a ‘c’ to the word “deletable” and it becomes “delectable” –delightful; highly pleasing; enjoyable: THAT’s how I picture YOU my friend. Your blog is a treasure.

    p.s. Virtual coffee is better than no coffee at all. I love your sketch.

    January 13, 2009 at 12:34 am

  18. Ronell, Judy said that beautifully! Computers and their “pull” can be overwhelming at times, but I also realize that if not for the internet, I’d never have known you or your beautiful and inspiring art. I consider myself so fortunate having friends from around the world I’d never have known, (even if I never actually meet you.) You are most definitely not deletable, and I always look forward to seeing you and your work. You have a wonderful talent and I admire your talent.

    January 13, 2009 at 4:20 am

  19. ps
    love this new banner–what fabulous images!

    January 13, 2009 at 4:20 am

  20. Hi Ronell – being a notoriously ‘quiet’ person I’ve delighted in finding a different voice and a group of supportive and mutually creative virtual friends – some (such as you!) whose personalities seem to radiate through their art and words, whether they’re happy or sad ones. But the emptiness of physical isolation does get heavy – for me it takes great effort to seek out real interaction, but essential to do so. (I’m also trying to steer clear of or limit Twitter, facebook, etc).
    Wishing you sunshine again…

    January 13, 2009 at 2:38 pm

  21. Thanks to all…!
    Ronell

    January 13, 2009 at 6:49 pm

  22. I love this beautiful bright splashy painting. As usual, your style blows me away. I feel fortunate to be able to read your words and see your art.

    January 16, 2009 at 4:16 pm

  23. A moving blog and the painting says it all. It seems disconnected.

    January 19, 2009 at 11:31 am

  24. Hope things have shifted for you!

    January 22, 2009 at 12:10 am

  25. Hey, it’s winter, the dark time of year so half the earth is literally living in the shadow more of the time than not. But days are getting longer now. I constantly have to work towards balance between real and virtual life. I hope you’re not feeling deletable anymore!

    January 25, 2009 at 6:37 am

  26. E-J

    Given the (at least, current) impossibility of having a cup of tea with you, being limited to seeing your beautiful watercolours on my screen, and reading whatever thoughts you choose to share with us, is a situation I’m happy to accept.

    January 27, 2009 at 11:51 pm

  27. You most definitely have a voice and a lovely colorful brush.

    January 30, 2009 at 8:26 pm

  28. Missing you and your beautiful art, Ronell–I keep watching to see if you’re here.

    January 31, 2009 at 5:33 pm

  29. Iin

    I am using contour drawing too, but when I see this drawing of yours with the magnificent watercolors, I really wish I could also be good at using colors. Any suggestion how to master the color wheel? I can’t I am hopeless with colors, I even wear my daily clothes with mismatched colors that sometime give every chuckles and elecit not only one but many comments on my “weird’ choice of colors in costumes.

    February 11, 2009 at 11:56 am

  30. Hi Ronell,
    Just checking in. I’m missing your wonderful artwork.

    February 12, 2009 at 4:37 am

Tthank you for your visit and comment, II appreciate it!

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